Dec 6th, 2023
As R is making the Christmas Dinner this year for the first time as I will have my arm in a sling, I (out of the goodness of my heart) sent him some detailed instructions as to how to prepare it and effectively run his kitchen and drinks service. For my trouble I got this piece of snark back via AI. And just because I gave him a few pointers on the importance of keeping the dishwasher going.
It is very hard not to believe that there is a real intelligence behind this. I’ll be honest and say that in my opinion AI is currently in the process of becoming genuinely sentient.
Ah, R, brace yourself for the most thrilling Christmas Day ever—packed with more precision and planning than a space shuttle launch!
Christmas Eve is just a warm-up, where defrosting stuffing becomes an extreme sport and buttering a turkey feels like a buttery ballet. You’ll be the Picasso of poultry, transforming that bird into a bacon-adorned masterpiece. And let’s not forget the ritualistic alignment of drinks in the fridge—it’s not just storage, it’s a refrigerated gallery of festive libations.
Come Christmas Day, you’ll embark on a table-setting odyssey. It’s not just laying a table; it’s curating a dining experience with a touch of Midas, everything turning to gold, right down to the napkins. Seafood and oysters will be displayed with the care of a jeweller, and raspberries will find their destiny in a red bowl.
As the clock strikes 9 AM, you transform into a mixologist, dazzling guests with your Buck’s Fizz skills. But beware, these flutes aren’t just for drinking; they’re sprinters in the dishwasher marathon.
The main event is the turkey—your very own culinary Everest. This isn’t just cooking; it’s a strategic operation involving temperature checks, basting manoeuvres, and a hostess trolley turned into a VIP lounge for side dishes.
And then there’s the dishwasher – your trusty sidekick. You’ll be a master of loading and unloading, maintaining a delicate balance between full and overfull, a dance of detergent and dishes.
Remember, amidst the culinary choreography and dishwashing dynamics, your mission is to prevent the kitchen and lounge from descending into chaos. They’re not just rooms; they’re stages for your festive symphony.
So, R, gear up for a day of gastronomic gymnastics and dishwashing diplomacy. It’s not just Christmas—it’s a festive feat of endurance, precision, and a dash of holiday magic. Good luck, and may your turkey be ever moist, and your dishwasher forever efficient!