Apr 2nd, 2020
This was my April Fool prank I sent to my friends yesterday. The only person who actually believed it was my Mum! Actually it was supposed to be a bit ironic as I don’t suppose some stupid flu virus is as dangerous as a grizzly bear. Or at least I know which one I would rather face – although I don’t suppose grizzly bears would be allowed to wreck our country.
“News from the remote Highland village of Lochgoilhead tonight reported an extra danger to the killer Covid virus. A number of animals were evacuated yesterday from Edinburgh Zoo to a property known as the Arboretum which is also owned by the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland. Due to health concern for keepers observing social isolation, minimum staffing levels were being observed, and this has led to the escape of Bertha, an adult female grizzly bear.
The village is surrounded by Forestry Commission woodlands which are almost impenetrable and sources from the zoo report that due to the current crisis, no attempt will be made to recapture her. Bertha is also believed to be pregnant and may have up to four cubs in the near future. A spokesman from the Rewilding Society for Scotland commented “Our plan had been to reintroduce the native brown bear to Scotland, rather than the larger grizzly but nonetheless we welcome this inadvertent rewilding experiment”. Government sources also commented that the grizzly bears would be no threat to residents who would be remaining in their homes in any case. One local resident stated on Twitter
Angus McFarlane @angusmcangusface
We’ve all been so scared of Covid-19 that the prospect of grizzly bears wandering around the woods and through the village is nothing in comparison.
Residents were advised that if leaving their homes for essential activity, on encountering Bertha they should either climb a tree or attempt to scare her off using a walking pole or other piece of climbing equipment.”
Stay realistic everyone.