May 31st, 2016
Author: donich_admin
48 Things that mildly annoy people from rural Scotland
This is based on https://www.buzzfeed.com/donnalouisebishop/things-that-mildly-annoy-people-from-norfolk?utm_term=.rdMA6KK8o#.rxJ4pVVre which I thought was very funny. Number 18 is particularly funny as my friend J comes from Norfolk and always bridles when anyone mentions it being flat…
So here is the rural Scotland version… It is tuned towards Argyll a bit but I’m sure anyone from outside a city will recognize the issues.
- 1. People who have lived in the Highlands for thirty years and still pronounce ‘Loch’ as ‘Lock’
- 2. The constant references to teutchers and sheep.
- 3. The presumption that you drive a Land Rover when actually you do drive a Land Rover
- 4. Constantly getting stuck behind caravans, boats, bikes and tourists who drive at 5 miles an hour because they are looking at the scenery
- 5. And never being able to overtake because of bendy roads
- 6. When someone does an impression of your accent and it sounds like someone from Ireland
- 7. Or South Africa
- 8. People who find the existence of the Gaelic language a personal affront
- 9. People who think the local accent is ‘quaint’
- 10. When someone thinks you are missing out because you don’t live in Edinburgh or Glasgow
- 11.Getting asked where you live and having to start in Edinburgh
- 12. And then having to mention Loch Lomond. Or Loch Ness.
- 13. Buying whisky in the specialist shop in the village and then finding it for half the cost on Amazon.
- 14. Buying ‘Loch Fyne’ salmon in Glasgow for half what it costs in the deli on Loch Fyne.
- 15. Discovering that you will have to write the Wikipedia entry for your village yourself
- 16. And that the biggest piece of interesting news for the article is that Sean Connery spent the night there. In 1962.
- 17. Shops which think all PA2x postcodes are on islands
- 18. Shops in England which want to charge £25 delivery on a £5 order to PA2x postcodes because they are ‘remote highlands’
- 19. The horrible mangling of the pronunciation of the place names
- 20. The rain
- 21. The constant rain
- 22. And always on every bank holiday
- 23. The midgies
- 24. Except when its raining and windy
- 25. Sheep that run ahead of you on the path for two miles when they could step to the side by two meters.
- 26. Heilan Coo blocks.
- 27. People who don’t understand single track roads.
- 28. People who do understand them and pretend they don’t
- 29. Not being able to get a seat home on the local train to Arrochar because it is full of backpackers going to Oban
- 30. Everything stopping because there is a rock fall on the Rest and be Thankful (substitute local traffic black spot)
- 31. Having one bus a day if you live in a village
- 32. Or two a day if you live in a town
- 33. Getting asked if Scotland is in London (this really happened to me)
- 34. Going to Oban or Inverary and wondering why the weather is always bad and then realizing it is because you only go there when the weather is too bad for hill walking..
- 35. Going to Fort Augustus in summer and wondering if there is anyone left in Birmingham. Or Seoul.
- 36. Not seeing Urquart Castle because the only car park is full of coaches from Birmingham. And Seoul. Probably.
- 37. Summer appearing for just two days in May and then the midgies arrive
- 38. The fact that the beautiful beaches are always too cold. Or too midgie.
- 39. Or both
- 40. Stuck up tourists
- 41. Houses being bought as holiday homes and then being used twice a year
- 42. The serious lack of 4G
- 43. And 3G
- 44. And in fact broadband
- 45. Everyone definitely knowing all your business all the time. Including Hamish who visits with the fish van on Fridays.
- 46. Potholes. Everywhere.
- 47. Knowing that nothing can ever be dualled because there’s always a loch on one side and a cliff on the other.
- 48. Knowing that people come to visit your home from all over the world because it is so lovely. Actually that isn’t annoying. Just humbling.